batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
