Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize