You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
