part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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