I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
