Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
