I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
