just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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