i just had sex bonerless
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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