New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's blow job season.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
