Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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