Michael Bay diarrhea
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You need Xanax blowdarts
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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