I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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