i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
