i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
