God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
