I'm going to rape someone's good day.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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