I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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