why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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