I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
