So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I love you.
Bad choice
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