I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
