That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
