does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
