Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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