Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
