I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
