you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
