He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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