I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
soo... how was my night?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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