Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You left your phone here
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