Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize