I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
