i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
