OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
