i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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