What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
