If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
