THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
