Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Randomize
