so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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