how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
