never play flip cup with pint glasses
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
