at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
