You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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