ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
