I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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