The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
