So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
