I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
