You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
