so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You pole danced in your parka.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm getting married
To pizza
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
