I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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