I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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