Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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