Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
