i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am naked and annoyed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
