i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize