Me too!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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