I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
