his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
