My hand turned me down
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
