Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
