we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
