so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
