as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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