I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
