I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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