Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
